Loss and Pain
by Hunt's Honey
Summary: Sam and Jack move closer with thanks to a car!Now with two brand spanking new chapters for your pleasure!
1. The faults with modern cars or is it?

Loss and Pain  
By Lisa Ambrose  
  
Author: Lisa Ambrose  
  
Email: htsk8rchik@hotmail.com  
  
Category: S&J Romance, character death (sorry ppl!)  
  
Rating: In Britain it's a 15 so I'd think a PC-13 but if ne1 wants to let me know what it actually is in the states, I'd be very grateful!  
  
Acknowledgements: None of the Stargate Characters belong to me, yadda yadda yadda. If Jack belonged to me.well that's a DIFFERENT story! huge hugs and love to Sarah (sob) who beta'd this fic for me! Thanks Hun! Love ya!  
  
Archive: SJD yes, anyone else wants it can have it.. just ask and keep my name at the top of. Thanks!  
  
Spoilers: 100 days  
  
Season: Anytime after Sam becomes a Major but before Daniel ascends!  
  
Summary: Character death, Sam and Jack get close due to a car! READ ON YOU'LL GET NO MORE FROM ME!!!!  
  
This is my first ever fan fic.awwwwww.. I'm getting quite emotional now! Anyway I hope you enjoy it. Send me feedback, constructive criticism is welcome but any thing else you can keep to yourselves! Nothing nice to say then please don't say it! Thanks to everyone who has ever posted a fic on the website and lists cos its thanks to you guys I wrote this! Keep inspiring me!!!! Anyway enough from me. Here we go!  
  
She stands alone. Alone, in her scalding shower. The water making her pale skin crimson. She allows the water to cascade freely over her face washing away the old tears and allowing the water to cover new ones. She closes her eyes and sees him. She blinks the image of him away and reaches for her shampoo. Cinnamon. Cinnamon, brown, chocolate brown. A sob is released, realizing it came from her own throat; she lets the sobs escape freely. He had died. He had died and she hadn't being there  
  
TWO WEEKS EARLIER  
  
He lay there, on his couch, thinking. Thinking of her, having thoughts he shouldn't have, feeling things he shouldn't feel. She is incredible, amazing, one of a kind, she blows his mind. Telling the truth is easier said then done, especially to yourself.  
  
A knock on his door pulled him back to reality. A reality in which he was alone. He slowly rose off the couch and his bare feet padded across the floor. The knocking became more persistent.  
  
"Oh for crying out loud. I'm coming."  
  
Jack opened the door, greeted by a drenched to the flesh, Carter.  
  
"Jesus Carter, what are you doing.come in."  
  
Sam gratefully accepted his offer and entered the warm hall. Jack had been so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't even noticed it had began raining.  
  
"Go sit down, make yourself at home. I'll get you a towel."  
  
She sat down as told to and eased herself into the couch, his couch, and his smell on the couch. She inhaled his scent deeply, and was sent into a spiral of need and wanting.  
  
"CARTER! Jeez, where did you go?"  
  
Sam lost in thought had failed to notice Jack was stood there offering her a towel. She took the towel from him and begin to dry her hair.  
  
"Just thinking of all the work I'll probably have to do!"  
  
"So watcha doing up here anyway?"  
  
"I was coming past so I thought I'd call in."  
  
'Shit! He knew I was visiting my brother in San Francisco'  
  
"Erm, Daniel called while I was on vacation and said you weren't too good. So I figured I may as well come and find out if your ok or if you needed anything?"  
  
Sam hoped she had sounded genuine; it was true Daniel had called her, but more than anything, she had wanted to see Jack. She had missed him terribly while she was away.  
  
'God, Sam the only thing I want is you, then and only then would I be ok' Jack thought to himself.  
  
"Colonel? Are you alright?"  
  
"Yep just a cold, nothing serious! So how come you're so wet?"  
  
"My car broke down and I had to walk up." Sam stated but really she was glad the car had broken down, she had time to lose herself in her thoughts.  
  
"So..?"  
  
"Erm could I use your phone to call a tow truck, it won't take too long to come and I'll be out of your hair."  
  
"Sure go for it but you really should get out of those clothes ASAP."  
  
'Damn it! I hope she doesn't think I'm coming onto her.'  
  
". You'll get sick otherwise."  
  
'Phew, well done Jack, got yourself out if that awkward situation'  
  
"I have nothing with me to put on!"  
  
'Well this could get interesting' Jack thought to himself as he let his desire overrule his rational thoughts.  
  
"You could always borrow something of mine while your clothes dry out. Do you want to get in the shower and I'll get something for you to wear?"  
  
"Thanks Sir that would be great." She sent him one of "his" smiles the one that makes her face glow and her eyes light up.  
  
"Well you better get in the shower cos the last thing I want is missing that *really* fun mission to P3X 969 with all those fascinating trees!"  
  
Sam giggled at him.  
  
"Hey no giggling Major. What have I told you about giggling?" he said to her in a mock anger.  
  
"Yes Colonel, SIR" She whipped a hasty salute and quick marched to the bathroom.  
  
'God I love her. I love her so much' Jack grinned to himself as he went into his bedroom and found her a pair of his sweats and a t-shirt. He laid them on the bed and went into his kitchen.  
  
In the kitchen, he began to make some coffee, and ordered a pizza. He reached for the beer, but changed his mind, realising that could land him in MAJOR trouble if he or Sam had too much to drink. He began to hum a tune to himself, as there was another knock at his door.  
  
This time he knew who it would be and picked up his wallet. He paid for the pizza and closed the door.  
  
"Hey Carter, Come and get it! Dinners here!"  
  
Sam shyly left Jack's bedroom. She felt strange, in his house in his clothes. 'God I love him!' she thought to herself as she made her way to the kitchen. Jack had set the table, lit some candles and had the C.D player playing Des'ree "Kissing You". She loved that song, how did he know?  
  
"Pride can stand a thousand trials, The strong will never fall"  
  
'We're strong, we'd never fall' Jack thought to himself  
  
"Heaving heart is full of pain"  
  
' I need him my heart aches to be away from him'  
  
Without realising, they had become to move closer and closer.  
  
" Cos I'm kissing you I'm kissing you Touch me deep, Pure and True."  
  
They moved even closer, foreheads touching, as they declared their love for each other and kissed.  
  
Jack knew this was coming, he had known for a long time, he had loved her since the first time he met her. Her feisty attitude had attracted him to her. Sam also knew that she could never deny her feelings forever, his sarcasm, his warmth that he only shared with her, the fact he was gorgeous, his eyes, chocolate brown had attracted her to him.  
  
They went to the couch, and began to kiss again. The kiss deepened to a burning passion they both felt deep inside their souls. The were a pair of "star crossed lovers" they wanted each other but the frat.regs always had and always would prevent them from declaring their love for each other.  
  
"Sir.Jack, if we get caught we'll both be put on court-marshal, we're breaking every frat.reg in the book."  
  
"Do you love me?"  
  
"What? Of course I have since the first day I met you, when you were missing for three months with Laira, I realised, I guess deep down I always have and always will love you until the day I die."  
  
"Well, I feel the same. Why can't we be together, I'll resign if I have to, I love you too much to loose you, I never loved Sara as much as I love you."  
  
"What if it doesn't work out though? What if we split up and hate each other. We can't do that to Daniel and Te'alc. It would ruin our careers."  
  
"Sam I don't care. Don't you get it? I LOVE YOU!"  
  
Sam couldn't think an answer to that. He loved her, he'd felt the same as she did?  
  
They began to kiss this time each having the self satisfaction of knowing they loved each other and nothing could stand in their way, nothing that they couldn't stand against, together.  
  
The moved together to the bedroom, clothes falling at random intervals. They slipped between the cool sheets and made love, they consummated their love for each other. They fell asleep in each other's arms, satisfied and not caring what would happen to them.  
  
The next day, Sam and Jack hung out like old friends, new lovers learning about each other.  
  
Jack had a call from General Hammond. Daniel had caught a gastric flu bug from a member of SG-4 while he had being on a mission to P3X 767 and down time had being extended until the beginning of the following week.  
  
A tow truck came and took Sam and her car away, but they had arranged a date that night at a restaurant in town.  
  
They saw each other almost every day while they were both on down time.  
  
Sam dreaded going back to work, knowing she would have to act as though Jack was her Colonel and not her lover. She knew she would hate being with him and not being able to shout out to the world he was with her.  
  
THREE DAYS EARLIER  
  
Daniel, unfortunately for Jack and Sam was better. Their briefing was at 9am that day.  
  
"Major Carter, the Pentagon have requested you go to D.C and help work a piece of technology SG-7 bought back a few months ago, so I am afraid you'll have to miss the mission to P3X 969."  
  
"Yes Sir. Shall I stay for the briefing?"  
  
"Its not necessary Major, though you can do if you wish."  
  
"If you don't mind Sirs, I'll go study my notes on the technology before I leave for D.C."  
  
"Major" Jack said as she left  
  
"Sir?"  
  
"Have fun. Cos I'm sure I will you know, all those interesting trees!"  
  
"Yes Sir I will Sir!" she said giving him one of *his* smiles.  
  
SG-1 minus Major Carter stepped through the 'gate, on that terrible day. Jack was the happiest he had being in a long time. He had spoken to Sam an hour before he left to check she was having fun.  
  
As they emerged through the gate Jack said, "Wow! Tree's like we don't have any back home!"  
  
"Ah Jack come on don't spoil it! There could be loads of interesting artefacts, we have only scratched the surface!"  
  
"O' Neill, I have a strange feeling. Something is not right." Te'alc said.  
  
"It's probably the tree's, they do that to me too!"  
  
Daniel shot a glance at Jack, 'oh if looks could kill' Jack mused to himself.  
  
"O' Neill, I hear movement."  
  
"Right Danny, dial us up."  
  
Daniel complied as the first attack took place. The wormhole burst fourth.  
  
"Danny, Te'alc, go through, I'll lay down cover fire for you."  
  
"No Jack, I'm not leaving you here."  
  
"Danny just go would you, I'll be through, just a minute after you."  
  
Daniel and Te'alc entered the gate and left Jack alone, fighting the natives.  
  
'This is why I hate tree's so many of them, you don't see an attack until its too late!'  
  
Lost in concentration, trying to keep the enemy at bay, he didn't notice a large native behind him until it was too late. He had being shot, through his heart. He felt weightless as this large man picked him up like a GI Joe and threw him through the stargate. He hit the ramp.  
  
"Medical Team to the embarkation room" Jack heard Hammond shout over the tannoy.  
  
Daniel leant at the side of him.  
  
"Jack you're gonna be ok, you're not going to die." His emotion got the better of him and he could do nothing but fight back the tears.  
  
"Danny, tell Sam I love her. Tell her she's made my world beautiful, if only for a few days."  
  
"You can tell her yourself you're gonna make it"  
  
"If I don't, promise me, please, promise me you'll tell her. If I don't make it you also have to promise to look after her, she'll need you"  
  
"I promise Jack."  
  
Hearing that, Jack died, on the cold metal ramp. His heart satisfied that his best friend would look after his girl.  
  
Daniel called Sam and said she was needed urgently at the SGC, he couldn't tell her over the phone, he couldn't do that to her.  
  
Sam entered the commissary, smiling. She saw Daniel, his face tear stained.  
  
"Daniel what happened?" she didn't have to ask, she in a way knew.  
  
"It's Jack. He died. He was killed by one of the natives on P3X 969. I'm so sorry. He wanted me to tell you he loves you and that you have made his world beautiful even for only a few days."  
  
Sam unable to keep her emotion bottled up ran to her quarters and lay on her bed and cried. 'Why Jack, why. Why did I have to go to the Pentagon, if only I had being their, I could have saved him.'  
  
She was in turmoil as a soft knock was rapped on the door. It was Daniel no doubt.  
  
She slowly went to the door and let him in. He held her and she cried she let out all her emotion, her sorrow of only being with her lover for a few days before he had being taken from her.  
  
She left and went to the shower rooms. Once she had showered she held her stomach protectively and spoke to it. "Your daddy loved me so much, I wanted you to know him but you can't, I'm gonna make sure you understand how much he would love both of us."  
  
Sam had that day found out she was pregnant. She was excited to see Jack and tell him, but now, she would have to face this alone. She couldn't allow her loss and pain to rule her, or she would lose her baby, their baby, the only thing she had left of Jack.  
  
The End???  
  
Please be kind with your feedback! This is my first fic! I am hoping if I get a good response from this fic to write a sequel, which may involve an AU Jack! 


	2. One Step Forward

Hey! Well this is chapter 2 that has been written for about a week and I've never bothered typing it up, not because I'm lazy but because I'm really not happy with it! So I'm just gonna post it anyway and see what you all think, but be warned its really rubbish! And I'm not online at the moment so I'll put all the replies to the reviews for chapter one in the next chapter or else I'll paste it onto the end of this one!

CHAPTER TWO – ONE STEP FORWARD

Her mind was preoccupied. She had left a few months ago before her pregnancy had started to show. There were too many memories of him there. She had tried to forget; she longed to forget about him and their beautiful yet brief romance. Sam looked at her nightstand and wept.

This was a nightly ritual for her. She looked at the picture of the four of them together. They had so many good times and yes there were bad times but she only wanted to remember the good times, the way they were.

Every night she asked herself the same questions 'Would it be different if I'd been with them? Would Jack still be alive?' Some nights these questions would just repeat around her head until she felt dizzy.

She looked down at her swollen stomach. In there, there was a life, a person that she and Jack had created. A life that before even meeting him or her she already loved more than life itself. That new life was all she had left, that and her memories.

She regularly heard from Daniel, every other day unless the new SG1 were off world and then it would be as soon as he got back. Sam guessed it was because Daniel thought she would do something stupid like run and never come back.

Daniel and her dad were the only people who knew she was pregnant with Jack's baby. Her dad came to see her as often as he could but for weeks at a time, he was on missions for the Tok'ra.

For once, the thoughts that preoccupied her mind soon subsided and she was allowed to drift into a troubled sleep. Every night she dreamed of the same thing, the people she loved being killed and she was powerless to stop it.

She saw Cassie, Janet, Daniel, Teal'c, General Hammond, her dad and her brother all being killed. But more often then not, she saw Jack die. In her dreams she saw him die over and over again and she was couldn't stop it no matter how hard she tried as it came to the moment where she could try and save him she couldn't move.

When she woke up, the light filtered through her curtains. She looked at the clock, it read 6am. She had had 6 hours sleep which was good for her because she would usually have a couple of hours sleep and then wake up too frightened and upset to sleep again.

Her usual morning routine would be to mooch around her house for a while, get dressed and then do any grocery shopping she needed to.

However, today she broke her routine to do some things she knew she had to do and that if she kept putting off doing them then she would never be able to move on.

Another part of Sam's routine was to go to Jack's grave. She did this while she could because once the baby was born she wouldn't be able to. When she went to his grave she would take a single red rose with her. Sometimes she would just sit there and cry but most of the time she would talk to him, tell him about the baby and she would even take the pictures from the scans with her to show him. Sam believed that if she just sat there and listened hard enough she could hear his voice in the wind. When she told him about her dreams, she was positive she heard him saying to stop being stupid because there was nothing she could have done and even though she knew deep down there wasn't anything she could have done she still believed that there was something that could have been done. Sam also always talked about Daniel, he was always getting himself into trouble on the missions now, getting captured by beautiful princesses and the such!

Normally, she would then go do the grocery shopping and any chores she had to do but today she needed to start getting baby things and she had to go and clear out Jack's cabin, Daniel had said he'd go with her to help her but it was something she needed to do herself.

She hadn't set foot in the cabin since their last day of leave and things were exactly as they had left them. She was overcome with emotion as she sat down on his couch and could still smell his scent on the cushions she had gratefully sunk into on that first day. As she surveyed the room she could see something shrivelled up underneath the table. Automatically she knew what it was and she tried to fight the tears as she remembered their last night together.

It was the red rose Jack had given her on the last night they spent together before they had to go back to the SGC and where they would go from lovers back to Colonel O' Neill and Major Carter. She always remembered that night when she thought of jack.

** FLASHBACK **

Sam was soaking in the tub after last nights date with Jack. When she thought of it, her entire body was covered in an attractive blush and she had a wicked grin on her face. When she was with him she could imagine spending the rest of her life with him. He did things to her body that no other man could possibly even dream of doing, one smile from Jack would turn her knees to jelly.

As she lay there drifting off into a slumber the phone began to ring. She was tempted to stay in the tub but Jack said he'd call her and she wanted to answer the phone. As fast as she could she stood up, pulled a towel from the rack and hurried to answer the phone.

"Hello"

"Hey Carter, damn I mean Sam. I'm really sick so I don't think you should come over tonight, I'm just gonna head off to bed. Sorry."

"Oh erm, well okay, I'll see you tomorrow then Sir. Goodnight"

"Goodnight Sam."

As they hung up Jack was smiling. He could read Sam like a book!

Sam disconcertedly returned to her bath, all the preparations she had made seemed worthless, shaving her legs, plucking her eyebrows, painting her toe nails, having a facial and getting her hair highlighted and restyled. What seemed even more worthless was the new lingerie laid out on her bed ready to be put on.

As she lay there she made a decision, she would put the lingerie on –because every woman likes to feel glamorous- under her jeans and a top and go over to Jack's anyway because he probably wouldn't be up to cooking something for himself.

She quickly dried off and moisturised, put on her lingerie and put a top on. She decided to wear her denim knee length skirt so she could wear her satin teddy underneath without it crumpling up in her jeans. She decided to take her top off because the teddy could be worn without a top over it as it looked like a strap top. The bra was brown satin with cream lace above each cup. The panties were also brown satin with the cream lace on the front. The teddy was brown satin and across the top there was cream satin woven in. She slipped on her flip-flops, sprayed some perfume on her neck and wrists, applied a slick of lipstick, checked her hair and grabbed her jacket and bag.

On the drive over to Jack's she debated with herself about whether or not to stop by the local Chinese restaurant but she decided against it. If there was no food in Jack's place then she could always order out later on if she needed to.

As she pulled up in the drive, she noticed the lights were on low in Jack's dining room. Suspecting the worst, she snuck up to the window to see if he was with another woman.

'Come on Major; pull yourself together just go and look. If there is another woman there just walk away and think of this as a holiday romance, nothing more and nothing less than a holiday romance. Just remember the good times and don't hold it against him, it would never work out anyway.'

Blinking back the tears she crept stealthily to the window. The window was open slightly and she could hear their song playing. As she peered in she could see that the table was set out for two. As she looked further in she could see Jack pacing and he looked as though he was talking to himself. Blocking out the music, she concentrated on the sound of his voice.

'Come on Sam don't tell me I got you wrong. I know that you would come up and see me if you thought I was ill, you did before.'

Instantly her heart was warmed and she was positively glowing from head to toe. She crept out from her hiding place and raised her hand to knock on the door. As she stood there at the door, she could hear his footfalls against the floor.

The door opened and Jack was stood there wearing black trousers and a black shirt with the sleeves rolled up.

"I had a feeling it would be you Sam. Come on in."

As Sam entered, she noticed that Jack was hiding something behind his back and she asked him what it was.

"Ah well, you see, I don't if I should give this to you or not. Erm well I guess I could give it to you."

From behind his back he pulled out a single red rose.

"Thanks, why have you given it to me though?"

"Well I got you a rose because like you its one of the most beautiful flowers in the world and I got you a red rose because red is the colour of passion and you are the most passionate person I know. Your passion for life is unlike anyone else's and I well, I love you for it."

Sam stood there shocked, thinking about what he had just said.

"That is the most beautiful thing that anyone one has said to me. I love you too Jack."

Jack leaned down to her and she closed her eyes as they shared the tenderest kiss Sam had ever had. If she had thought it was physically possible, they would have been glowing in a golden light.

"Come on Sam, dinner's nearly ready."

Jack took her by the hand and led her to the dining room. The room was full of candles and there was a fire burning in the fireplace. He let go of her hand and bowed.

"May I have this dance?"

In spite of herself Sam giggled.

"What did I tell you about giggling Major?!" Jack said with a smile. He crossed the distance between them and held her in a dancing position.

"Now, Sam, the light of my dreary old life. Do you want to dance?"

"There is nothing else in the world I would rather be doing then dancing with you."

"Nothing you said?" asked Jack with a mischievous glint in his eye as he spun her out and back into his embrace.

"What, what about dinner?"

"Shit, the pasta"

Jack ran to the kitchen to salvage the dinner.

"Hey Sam, can you open a bottle of wine? There's one already out on the table."

Picking up the bottle of wine, she inspected the label and smiled. It read 'Carter's Vineyard'

She poured out two glasses and took them into the kitchen.

"Thanks darling."

Sam smiled again and then frowned. There was something they really needed to discuss.

"Jack, erm I really don't know how to say this but erm, what's gonna happen when we're back at work? We can't have any kind of relationship with the frat.regs you know that and I know that."

"Sam, I will move heaven, earth and hell for us to be together, I'll resign god dammit. Us not being together drives me insane and now that I've got you I don't want to have to let you go..."

"But.."

"No Sam let me finish. I retired before and I'll do it again."

"Jack please, at least leave it for a few months before you do because if we don't work out then you'll have resigned, retired whatever for nothing."

"Sam, we will work out. I've never felt like this before about anyone not even the Simpson's and you know how much I love that show! Anyway dinner is ready to be served so if you would like to take a seat I'll bring it through for you."

They ate in a relaxed way, savouring everything about that night. Hands brushed against hands passing each other things and legs brushed against legs as they moved.

After they had finished, they sat on Jack's sofa with a glass of wine and talked. They talked about anything and everything as if it was going to be their last day alive.

A few hours later and it was getting late.

"I have to go Jack, we need to be at the SGC early tomorrow for the briefing."

"Stay over Sam, we don't know when we're gonna get the chance to again."

"Well ok, I'll have to leave early though."

"Well you can go on up and use the bathroom and stuff first while I clean up."

Sam ascended the stairs and literally ran into the bathroom. She brushed her teeth and then took off her skirt and flip-flops. She applied another slick of lipstick and lay down on the bed in a way she hoped was sexy. She was really glad she had decided to put her new lingerie on! She wanted to make this night one they could both remember until the next chance they would have to steal some time together again.

She heard Jack climbing the stars and she looked as seductive as possible. Jack walked into the room and just stood still his mouth slightly open. Sam sat up slightly and motioned for him to come to her. She drew him into a lingering kiss and then pulled him down to her.

After their love making, Sam laid awake watching Jack's chest rise and fall. She moved carefully not to disturb him and positioned herself so she could see his face. He looked so peaceful when he was asleep. Innocent and really cute. She snuggled down into his arms again and lay there fulfilled and content.

That morning when she left she was in such a rush that she had forgotten to pick up the rose from the table and brushed it under there with her bag.

"Hey Sam!"

"Yeah?"

He grabbed her around the waist and kissed her with all the passion in his being.

"God, your gonna see me in a couple of hours."

"Yeah but when I do see you I won't be able to do that."

"Well.." said Sam smiling, "I guess you better kiss me again so you can resist the temptation to do so in the briefing."

They kissed again with a more desperate and urgent need as though that kiss would be their last. And it was.

Sam rubbed her fingers across her lips as though she had just felt Jack kiss her again. She wiped the tears from her face that were starting to roll down her cheeks and went into the kitchen. She opened the fridge in the hope of finding some bottled water in there but all she found was bottles of Guinness. She giggled to herself and was certain she could hear Jack chiding her about it.

She went up on the roof to start packing things up from up there. She didn't have the heart to do it because she believed that Jack would be coming home back to her but she had seen his body and she went to his grave nearly every day. It was her last lifeline to her dreams.

In a few hours she was done. It was hard for her to comprehend that one man's life could be packed up in such a small amount of time.

She left most of the boxes in the place she had packed them, as they were too heavy for her to lift now. She would ask Daniel to come by and do it later.

She gathered up her things, this time remembering to pick up the rose. She climbed into her car and headed to the baby shop. All the way she was wishing that Jack were going with her. This was his baby too and she wanted him to do everything that she was doing, she would have given anything for him to be there with her now, the way it should be.

She bought all the things she would need and placed them in what was now the Baby's Room. She like other expectant mothers was superstitious so she wasn't going to put up the cot until after the baby was born. She also bought some baby clothes and a rocking chair. Once the rocking chair was in the right place she sat on it and looked out of the window. She loved this room so much, which was why it made a perfect baby room. It was filled with an incredible natural light with a large window that led onto a small balcony. In the summer, she could imagine the windows being open, the curtains gently blowing in the light summer breeze and the last golden rays of the sun bathing the room.

She was peacefully drifting off in the chair when the phone began to ring. Being lazy, she decided to let the machine get it. First hearing her own voice then the beep she heard Daniel's voice ring out saying that she should get to the SGC straight away. At first she thought there was a problem with her dad so as quickly as she could, she got up from the chair and got into her car.

The drive to the SGC seemed to take triple the time it would usually take. She kept hitting red lights. She pulled up into her usual spot and the guard on duty let her straight through.

She walked down to the briefing room as fast as she could and was relieved to find Daniel, Teal'c and General Hammond gathered there. There was a fourth person there she couldn't see and she assumed it was her father.

"Hey guys, Sir"

"Its George now Sam."

"Sorry Si..George."

"Major Carter you did not inform us that you were with child."

"Well, that's another part of my life Teal'c. But yes I am with child, I'm due in about two and a half months."

From the look on George's and Teal'c's faces, Sam could tell that they were doing the math. She quickly changed the subject before the awkward questions started.

"So what did you need me down here so quickly for?"

"Please sit down Sam." Said Daniel.

"Well if its ok with you guys I'll stand because its getting harder and harder for me to get up. So what's up? Is my dad okay?"

"He's fine Sam."

"So why did you call me down here so fast?"

"There's something we need you to see."

As George said this, the fourth person stood up and turned round to face Sam.

"Hey Carter..."

Sam didn't hear the rest of what they had said as she had passed out into Teal'c's arms.

Well, I hope that that was ok for you all. That seemed a lot easier to write then some of my other fics it just flowed.

Cookies to everybody that has reviewed. Please keep reviewing because it makes what I do worthwhile!

Love Lis xXx


	3. Two Steps Back

CHAPTER THREE – TWO STEPS BACK

"Hey Carter..."

Sam didn't hear the rest of what they had said as she had passed out into Teal'c's arms.

Sam's eyes fluttered open. She couldn't remember where she was or why she was there. Beginning to become more aware of her surroundings, she realised where she was and whom it was she had seen. She sat bolt upright, tears rolling down her face and plopping onto her top saying to herself over and over again, "Its not him, he's dead, he isn't here that wasn't him."

As she was repeating the mantra to herself, she felt someone gently pushing her down on the bed. It was Daniel.

"Get some sleep Sam, it's late. We'll talk in the morning, ok?"

"Yeah. Daniel is it really him?"

"Yeah, I think it is. We're gonna do some tests just to check."

"But, he, he died in your arms Daniel. It can't be him. How did he get here?"

"Sam Just trust me, we'll sort this all out I promise you."

"Ok. Goodnight Daniel."

"Night Sam."

Sam snuggled down into the bed and Daniel placed a chaste kiss on her cheek, stroked her hair and left.

As she dozed, Sam was sure she could feel someone stroking her cheek, but she was too comfortable to investigate. She unconsciously leaned into the touch earning a smile from the person who was sat there. It was Jack.

The next day Sam awoke refreshed. It had been the best nights sleep she had had in almost seven months. But something was niggling her at the back of her mind. Daniel came in not long after she had woken up and took her up to the briefing room.

"Are you sure you wanna go in there Sam?"

"Daniel, I thought you could understand that I need to know where he's been for the last seven months. I need to know why he hasn't been there for me and the baby."

"Sam, for all intent and purposes, he's been dead for the last seven months."

"Well what the hell is he then a ghost for crying out loud?"

"I don't know. That's what we're trying to find out. Please don't get your hopes up because I don't want you to be disappointed if he can't remember anything. Come on lets go to the briefing room."

As they walked up to the briefing room, Sam became more and more apprehensive. Except for seeing him for a few seconds before she passed out, she hadn't seen jack in seven months. It would take all her strength baby or no baby to stop her from vaulting across the table into his arms, the place that felt like home.

"Morning Carter, Daniel." Said jack. He too looked apprehensive but for an entirely different reason to Sam. She had noticed him staring at her swollen stomach, which instinctively made her wrap her arms around herself protectively.

"Hey Sir." Next to her she heard Daniel saying the same.

The door opened and this Janet emerged followed closely by General Hammond.

"Now that we're all here we'd better get down to business. Colonel O' Neill perhaps you'd like to start for us. Where have you been for the past seven months son?"

"Well, I'm not sure how to answer that sir. A lot of it is a blank, I can just remember before I died, and not wanting to leave." Jack responded whilst looking at Sam with an intent gaze. This did not go unnoticed by Teal'c, who was sat there with his usual impassive face, taking every word and every reaction in.

Sam felt nervous under Jack's gaze and she sat there silently praying that someone would take the initiative and ask him a question, even if it would only divert his gaze for a few minutes. Daniel sensing her discomfort spoke up.

"So you disappear for seven months with no memory of what you've been doing and you expect us to believe its really you?"

"Look Danny, I know its unbelievable but it is me. I'll do anything to prove that it's me."

Sam spoke up. "What happened on the last night of leave, the day before you died?"

"I, no, I'm not ruining your career by telling everybody what happened."

All eyes were focused on Sam.

"I don't have a career anymore, I haven't since I found out I was pregnant. So tell them." She snapped, all the anger and the pain being released at the person who had caused it.

"Carter... Sam, I'm not gonna discuss this with you now. Its not appropriate."

"Huh, not appropriate" she scoffed.

"Sam, please. Not now."

"Please could we just get back to the matter at hand? Do you remember anything of the last seven months?"

"I told you I don't"

With this he got up and stalked out of the room, frustrated at not being able to remember.

However, that night as he lay there on his bed, praying that sleep would welcome him, he became restless. Jack deciding that he wasn't going to get any sleep went to one of his favourite places. One where no one would think to look.

He slowly began to climb the ridge. He remembered it being a lot easier the last time but the last time he needed to think, he hadn't lost him memory of the past seven months. What he didn't expect was to see anyone sat up there. Noticing the person up there, he turned around but not before he was seen. The person arose and started to make their way back down the ridge. He caught a glimpse of the persons face and called out

"Hey Sam. Wait I think we need to talk."

"I don't have anything to say to you."

She began to make her way back down, but jack was in hot pursuit. He grabbed her wrist and turned her to face him but in his haste Sam lost her footing and tripped.

I wanted to be evil and finish it here but I couldn't do that to you

Jack was pacing outside the examination room in the Emergency Room. He'd called Daniel not knowing if it was a good idea or not. He was just sat there glaring at him and a look of what jack could only perceive has hatred.

"How could you do that to her Jack."

"I DIDN'T.. I didn't go after her I was going out onto the ridge and she was already up there, I said to her that we needed to talk she said she didn't have anything to say to me, she started making her way back down I grabbed her arm and she must have lost her balance or something. I tried to catch her but I couldn't."

"Well," said Daniel coolly, "you should have left her alone when she said she didn't want to talk to you she's confused and she's hurting, Jack. She has nightmares every night about trying to save YOUR WORTHLESS ASS!"

At this point a doctor came out of the room.

"Doc how is she?"

"She's in shock and a small of pain but there is no damage to the baby from the fall. Luckily she only bruised two of her ribs, but it could have been a lot worse."

"Oh thank god" jack mumbled while rubbing a hand over his face.

"Now gentlemen, if you don't mind I have to remind you that this is a hospital and that there are sick people here. So if you're going to start arguing then I suggest you leave. Now which one of you is Jack O' Neill?"

"Er, I am doctor."

"Right Miss Carter has been asking for you. So if you'd like to go on in. but please don't agitate her she is tired and needs her rest."

Jack looked at Daniel, who gave him the slightest of nods and curled his hand around the doorknob internally debating with himself whether or not he should go in. Throwing caution to the wind, he turned it, opened the door and stepped inside.

"Sam, I am so sorry I never..."

"Jack, I can't handle this right now. I have mourned you for the past seven months. I don't want to go through this again the next time something happens."

"Sam, I never in a million years wanted to leave you. I'm gonna do anything I have to do to find out where I was because I can't believe how much I've missed out. I will never leave you again."

"I'm sorry jack but that just isn't enough for me. You'll still keep going on missions through the gate. And what if you not luck this time? What if you die and don't come back? Please just leave jack."

Jack said nothing else, he just turned on his heels and left.

"Sam, are you okay?" asked Daniel cautiously.

"No I, I don't think I am." She said through her tears.

"Oh Sam. What did he say to you?"

"He didn't say anything. Its what I said to him."

Daniel just looked at her with pity in his eyes and pulled her into a hug.

Jack didn't know how long he had been sat there, looking at nothing in particular, just thinking. He was beginning to wonder when everyt6hing had got screwed up. Ah yes that was probably the first time they'd met. How they had bantered during that first meeting. Her smile made his heart fill up with hope. A hope that this world wasn't as messed up as he thought it was.

The door opened and he was brought from his reverie by Teal'c.

"Are you well O' Neill?"

"No Teal'c I'm not well not well at all."

"Would you like to talk about it?"

"Nah, it doesn't matter T. Its just confusing."

"Perhaps if you start at the beginning it will not be so confusing."

"Have you got any beer?"

"I came prepared," said Teal'c producing a pack of beer.

"Right. The beginning. Well that would be before the first mission. Before we met you. She strode into that briefing with her head held high and a look of steely determination on her face. Her whole body language just read 'Don't mess with me' and I was hooked. As I got to know her more, the more I wanted to spend time with her. I would never have guessed she felt the same until that whole Zay'tarc fiasco when she admitted she felt the same. Those three months when I couldn't get home my heart ached for her. I had tried to forget her. I threw myself into pointless flirting with Laira just so I would forget Sam's face. Her eyes haunted my dreams. And the thought of her smile kept me going. Those nights we shared together before I died or whatever the hell it was I did, were the best of my life. I didn't want to leave her." He was sobbing now "and now she's told me to stay out of her life."

"O' Neill, have you told Major Carter of your feelings?"

"There's no point now. She hates me. I almost made her loose her baby. If I hadn't have grabbed her arm, she wouldn't have fallen and bruised her ribs."

"O' Neill you must tell her how you feel. You have nothing to loose."

"Thanks T but I don't think I can tell her."

"Very well O' Neill."

Teal'c rose and left Jack alone to his thoughts and his Bud.

Sam was awoken the next morning by feeling someone's intense gaze upon her. She rolled onto her side and looked into Daniel's eyes.

"Morning did you sleep ok? What happened with Jack then?"

"Morning, yeah I did and I really don't wanna talk about it. He must hate me now so I'm just gonna get on with my life now! The doctor said I should be ok to go home today. I just need a final examination and then I can go. So I'm gonna go home and soak in the tub. I'll call you later on Daniel." She garbled desperate to not dwell on the previous nights events.

"Sam, talk to him, tell him how you really feel, how you really feel. You love him and I understand that you're hurting but he didn't want to leave you and I know that he would never intentionally hurt you."

Sam sniffed. "I know Daniel but things have changed now. I have to move on. I made a promise to myself that I would."

"Well ok. Call me when your home so I know your safe."

Daniel left the room and hurried to the SGC. He needed to talk to Teal'c and fast. If their plan went accordingly Sam and Jack would get back together soon. They would make sure of it.

A/N 2 Because I love you all so much I decided to upload two chapters as my humble apologies for not updating sooner but I caught that really nice cold that seems to be going around that lingers for about 2 weeks!

Please review because reviews definitely make doing this worthwhile!


	4. Authors Note :'

Not a chapter, sorry guys! Too much stuff has been going on in my personal life to write anymore. I can't do this story any justice by writing any more for it at the minute. I'm not saying I won't finish it, because I will do, but I have the worst case of writer's block ever, added to the fact I'm not completely satisfied with chapter 3.

Many Apologies, Thanks to all those who have reviewed.

Lis xXx


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